The holidays bring joy, laughter, music, wonder, gifts, togetherness, family, faith, hope, and perhaps for a fleeting a sense of peace that all is (or can be) right with the world.

The holidays also bring about a sense of melancholy for many. I know because I am one who experiences it. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of the things I listed. But buried underneath is a profound feeling that something is missing.

This is the time of year I miss being in a relationship. Maybe I simply watch too many Hallmark Christmas movies, but I often feel that the holidays would mean so much more with a partner. So, while enjoying the school concerts, singing Christmas karaoke in the car, planning events with people, shopping for loved ones with a big smile and true joy, my heart aches a little.

Since this is a blog on perspective shifts, of course I ask myself, “Why don’t you take your own advice?” Ha! Easier said than done isn’t it?  But after waking up in a funk today and sharing my feelings with a few of my friends, I realized what I already know deep down: I AM in control of my feelings and I can choose to honor these feelings while tapping into my power to change them. Only I can control my happiness.

Lessons learned:

1. I can state what I want when looking for any type of relationship so as to not build it based solely on what I think I am lacking.

2. I must be happy with myself first and always. No person or thing will bring me this unless I am happy on my own.

3. I AM my own hero.

4. I can and must love all parts of me, even the darkness. It’s from out of our darkness that our true light shines.

5. I know what nourshises my soul; I need to release the fear, take risks, not worry what others always think and simply do what makes me happy and fulfilled.

6. I must continue to embrace all of me and not be wanting or needing the validation of others to make me be anything but a beautiful heart, spirit and soul.

Blessings from Lessons:

1. I am not afraid to cry tears of joy, sadness, pain, or grief. You may not always see me do it; but it’s a blessing to release emotions from the body in this way.

2. I can acknowledge my feeling of emptiness and then let it go. Instead, I will focus on what I can do to fill my own heart.

3. I will not, and cannot live in the past. Those experiences were the stepping stones to who I am today so I acknowledge them, but I won’t live there ever again.

4. I can honor my passions and talents by creating more music, more art, more written word.  I can find my way home back to myself. This is not a selfish way of living but a loving way of living. It’s from my own happiness and love that I can show love to others.

An outside relationship will only be fulfilling to me if I remember and honor that both people need to know themselves and that neither loses sight of the fact that they are each on their own journey, learning their own lessons. We must have the freedom to fly on our own, to shine on our own. We cannot instill fear into the other and we have no right to drain the other of their individual positive energy.


Anyone we meet may be an angel and we may be an angel to them. When we enlighten each other into full self awareness, we are walking along side each other on our journey home not only to self but to our Creator.

I have met some of these angels on earth. Some have been with me for forty years, others a few months. What I thought was initially the reason for our meeting–happiness, love, marriage– may not have been the case. Sometimes it’s the broken connections that bring about the true self awareness. These are small miracles (although they may not seem like it at the time) worth celebrating!

So while I work on strengthening my own happiness this holiday season, I know I am looking to surround myself with people who are honoring their own souls. I will know them by their enthusiasm and passion for self awareness, self-happiness, self love. These are the connections I wish to make and nurture; walking together, we each can change the world in our own individual way!

The outside chaos does not have to negatively impact our souls. The first blessing I wish for all of us this holiday season:  wisdom to see and love and be happy with our own true beautiful souls!