You know what’s the one wrong thing we all do when we fall in love?

WE EXPECT.

And it just ruins everything.

Oh if only I had learned this in my teen years. As much as we may want to change the past, we know that’s impossible. So perhaps, I can use this forum as a chance to share some lessons learned.  We are never to young (or old) to pick up a smidge of wisdom or the opportunity to look at love with a little perspective shift.

First, we have to love and respect ourselves. How could we think that anyone will give us those things if we don’t feel these things for ourself?  It takes work and effort, things that we don’t always want to do, but it’s not enough to just look pretty.  We must love our heart and soul first.

That being said, the truth is, none of us are easy to date, handle or please all of the time.  We all have our ways of doing things; we have our quirks, opinions, and attitudes.  These things make us who we are.  There is no perfect person but there is the perfect person for each of us. Don’t rush into anything, though, and definitely don’t jump into a relationship just because you are lonely or because “everyone else is doing it”.  It’s not about the fairy tale that can fade quickly, it’s about finding something you are willing to work for; with someone who is willing to work with you.  It should be that simple:  find someone who has a heart for you and you for them and be willing to fight for each other.

Do not love half lovers, do not believe half truths, do not dream half a dream.  Ten, twenty, fifty years from now, make certain you can say “I chose my life, I did not settle.”  This applies to the loves in your life as well.

Realize that people will say they love you and you will say it too–and there is love, but don’t confuse it for true love.  We all say that word even though we don’t always want to. “Like” is too little, “Love” is deep; there is no word in between.  We use the same word for bacon and for people.  Love means so many things to each person. Love for a person, or being in love can happen quickly for many, but there is also no harm in taking things slow.  Those who truly love us, will not pressure us for more until we are ready.

Don’t compromise yourself…you are all you’ve got!  Many of our troubles come either because we say yes too quickly or we don’t say no soon enough.

Don’t ever try to control love, it will destroy you. If you try to imprison it, it will enslave you. When you try to understand it, it often leaves you feeling lost and confused.  Love is an untamed force. Don’t force it, let it evolve naturally.

Although it never seems like it at the time, if someone chooses to leave, it’s because someone else is going to arrive. No one actually loses anyone, because no one owns anyone.  No one owns you, I repeat. You are never another’s property.

Be with someone who feels like freedom and loves you without chains, because love isn’t about holding someone back or using guilt to make them stay.  Love is freedom, and they freely choose you.

Do not be afraid of love.  Yes, it’s a risk, but it can be a most wonderful thing.  When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to one another.  This can happen at sixteen or sixty.  Souls do not have calendars or clocks; they don’t understand the notion of time or distance.  The only thing they know is that it feels right to be together.

There is a primal reassurance in being touched, in knowing that someone else, someone close to you, wants to touch you.  There is a security that goes with the brush of a hand, an affirmation that someone is near and cares.  This love can be with a lover or with a friend.  Don’t be afraid to tell your friends you love them either.

Every instance of heartbreak teaches us powerful lessons about the kind of love we really want and deserve.  Never lose the lessons.

Real love is not like in the movies or in a romance novel.  Real love is chaotic.  You lose control; you can lose perspective. The greater the love, the greater the chaos.  It’s a given and that’s the secret. That does not mean we settle for toxic chaos.  We cover that later in this series.  In real love, embrace the chaos.

If one cannot handle your darkness, they do not deserve to share your light.

Finding your soulmate is a blessing, but finding your teammate takes it to a whole different different level.  You can love someone a lot and they can love you the same way, but being committed to never abandoning you is priceless.  Love and team go together hand in hand.  Look for this!

When you find that one love, you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another; have a similar sense of humor and can speak volumes with just a glance.  You don’t even have to to talk all of the time because there is such a strong connection that you can sit in comfortable silence.  You can also talk for hours and never run out of things to say. It’s not always easy to find this type of compatibility so when you do, you are wonderfully blessed.

Never settle.

Never let anyone make you feel small or unworthy.  Never let them belittle you or use you or take you for granted. Don’t let someone talk you out of your greatness. Don’t let anyone cloud or laugh at your dream.

Love is not something we give or get; it’s something we should nurture so it grows.  We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Find the person who makes you look at things differently; the one who has you close your eyes and see with your heart.  Find a soul that sees your soul and take good care of each other.

K