I have met several young people lately (18-25) in states of anxiety because they have never had serious relationships or they have just broken up and hate being single. Why is this?
I am trying to remember back to that time of my life–sure it seemed like everyone had a significant other and I did too for much of those years. When you broke up, of course it was sad for a while, but you got over it and moved on quickly. Now, with the age of “connected all of the time” via smart phone, email, video chat, news etc., we are more connected in the technical sense, but even further apart in the human connection or even in being connected with ourselves. We are bombarded with messages that lead us to believe that the only way to be happy is with a partner. While that can certainly be true, I will counter that position (quoting the late John Pinnette) and say, “nay, nay”!
At this point in my life I have been single for 5 years. And honestly, even though it was a messed up, convoluted and somewhat avoidable path, it has been an amazing 5 years as well. I have learned more about myself and have grown deeper and more so than I ever thought possible. I can’t even visualize the woman I was then. Today, my self-worth, confidence, strength, faith, vulnerability, authenticity, compassion, drive, desires, and so on, are at their highest levels. I realize I am perfectly comfortable in my own skin, confident in my needs and wants, and 100% okay with doing things by myself, for myself.
Being alone with ourselves forces us to get in touch with our hearts, minds and souls. We learn a lot about our beliefs, our passions, our “non-negotiables”, and our motivational drivers. We learn we are worthy, lovable, compassionate and capable. We learn our about our internal superpowers and how we can best use them in our lives and to help others. We may also learn that we are not so strong in one or more of these areas and that frightens us whether we admit it or not. During the alone time, we can make the changes we need.
Young people (and old)–do not rush into relationships just because you’re lonely. I understand those feelings, trust me I do as I experience them myself. I understand the need for stimulating conversation and stimulating touch. I ask you instead, to shift your perspective: put away the electronics for a few hours each week and take a walk, meditate, listen to music, read more, visit a place(s) you have always wanted to go. I guarantee that when you are more in tune with yourself, you will be more than ready to give love and receive love from another. You will be better prepared to dedicate the time to each other, to talk about the topics that are crucial to any successful relationship. These conversations will be discussed in the coming months–look for the eBook soon!)
The relationships will happen, I promise you. In the meantime, embrace the time you are alone to focus on being the best you can be!