I came across a quote the other day titled “ A Man’s Job” (credit goes to Jenn, Broken Open and Being Caballero). I read it a few times and agree with the words; however, it shouldn’t be limited to just men. I took the liberty to tweak it to add the feminine pronoun as well and it has become “A Person’s Job”.
Here’s the dilemma in today’s world: I believe most people are loving and want to give and receive it, but—damn, unconditional love is so hard at times. Right? Everywhere you turn, you read about broken relationships and broken people (even though I don’t believe that’s a true statement; we’ll tackle that another day). We struggle to let go of the past even though we no longer reside there and it did not always serve us well. We logically know this, yet we still drag the biggest suitcases with us because we take some odd comfort in our issues and burdens; somehow thinking they define us. We would rather drag the messes with us instead of accepting the lesson, throwing the suitcase off a cliff and walking freely into the next phase of our journey.
This baggage makes us hesitant to enter new relationships, seeing them as too risky. It also causes us to go into “fix-it” mode. Hey, rather than focus on my mess, I’ll avoid it and try to fix others. Oh, how good we are it this. I ask you though, how successful has that been for you? My guess is, not so much.
If you’re like me, you may read this quote the first time and think whoa, wait a minute, aren’t we taught to love someone in spite of their faults and flaws? Are we not to embrace the whole person for who they are and who they are becoming? Of course we are. I said love them, I didn’t say date them, live with them or marry them. I am not condoning tolerances of a controlling person, an abuser, or murderer, etc.
Read it again.
It IS telling us to be kind, loving, respectful, safe, and supportive. The important message that cannot be lost is that it is not our jobs to fix or mend others. Only we can manage and correct our own flaws and change our own actions and behaviors. Let’s learn about A Person’s Job:
”It’s not his or her responsibility to break down your walls. It’s not his or her responsibility to prove they aren’t like the ones before them. It’s not his or her responsibility to understand or unwind you. It’s not his or her responsibility to love you just as you are and take on your shit. It’s not his or her responsibility to fix you. It’s not his or her responsibility to mend your broken heart and put your broken pieces back together again. You need to take care of ALL that yourself.
A person’s job is to prove he/she is trustworthy, safe and stable. A person’s job is to show you how he/she reacts to stress and pressure. It’s a person job to prove they can “handle” a person like you without yelling, fighting or running away. A person’s job is to hold space so you can allow your emotions to move through you. It’s a person’s job to hold you, allow you to lean on him or her and gather strength from from his or her power. It’s a person’s job to be centered, focused and confident. It’s a person’s job to be purposeful; to stand up in front of the world and claim what they are here to do.”