Avoidance is a tricky thing. Most of the time, it’s not wise to avoid issues because it will only make disagreements, conflicts and other scenarios worse. Other times, the answer is to run like hell to get away from people and issues because if you remain, the damage to one’s mental, physical and emotional health is in severe crisis mode. Let’s take a look at the pros & cons of avoidance. Actually, we’re going to begin backwards and look at the cons first.
- Neglecting our personal knowledge of the facts
- Begin a war within ourselves for the sake of keeping the peace
- Escalation of the issue; making a mountain from a mole hill
- Building unnecessary tension in household or workplace
- Not getting to the root of the issue
- Solutions & resolutions are delayed which may impact deadlines
- Inflation of Egos
- Just might learn there isn’t any conflict; just a misunderstanding
- We may become closed off, close-minded, defensive; unable to see different perspective
Our Emotional Intelligence is key in these situations. Those who are emotionally intelligent understand that just because they address something that bothers them, it doesn’t mean they are trying to argue. It’s simply communicating disagreements; none of which have to end with an argument or a fight. High emotional intelligence also means not getting immediately defensive, respecting the words of others and approaching any situation with an open mind; one that knows that no one (including themselves) is right about everything all the time.
We don’t want to bury our heads in the sand just to keep the peace. No one likes conflict, but avoidance can do more long-term damage than simply take a few minutes or hours to discuss and come to a solution. There are definitely cons in avoidance in these scenarios.
When to walk (or run) away from a situation:
- People are intentionally messing with your head
- Those who are knowingly and repeatedly doing and saying things they know upset you
- Expect you to prioritize them, but can’t or won’t reciprocate
- Can’t or won’t apologize sincerely
- Play the victim when you confront them with their toxic behavior
- They twist everything we say; there is no winning with a manipulator
- Experts at passive aggressive behaviors
- Continually intimidate or threaten
- Obsessed with humiliating others
- Deny things for which you have proof
- Actions don’t match their words
- Make us believe we can only trust them because they have manipulated others in our lives (leaving us dependent on only them)
- Tell outrageous, deliberate lies
- They are on a seek and destroy mission of our credibility, self-esteem, our souls
There are more pros than cons in avoidance in these scenarios. The minute you begin to see or experience these behaviors, it’s time to move on before you are buried so deep escape seems unlikely. Don’t be afraid to Close Old Doors.
To avoid or not to avoid is the question; remember to use both intellectual and emotional intelligence; it’s a mind, heart and soul decision.